I know all of us deal with jealousy, but I have a real problem with it. It's not so much material things that get me looking, but attention. I crave attention. All I want is to be treated like I'm special. I want to be talked to not just during my birthday or other important events, but when I'm struggling or whenever really. I want people to "like" my personal Facebook post more. I want phone calls and messages. I want to feel in the loop.
It's not like my parents didn't love me enough as a kid. My parents have been nothing but loving and supportive, even now that I'm an adult.
I remember when my brother was in the hospital for cancer 10 years ago. As a 4th grader, I was so incredibly envious of all the attention he was getting. I mean my parents tried to give my other brother and I attention, but very understandably were worried about their son. Everyone else looked after Andy too, which was so kind of them. To this day, however, I feel so ashamed about my selfishness in my brother's time of need.
I won't pin the blame on that though. I won't blame it on a lack of attention from other family members or on anyone else. It's my fault.
Everytime I went to a graduation, or wedding, or any event as a kid, I thought "One day, I'll be in his/her shoes and people will be celebrating with ME."I hoped when I graduated high school that tons of people would be focused on me and happy for me. I hoped that when I got married, other people who had previously ignored me would take me seriously and want to interact with me. It worked for a short time. I hope when I have a baby that people will be enamored with my child and me. I hope that when I buy a house, people will want to come visit me.
I know my parents and Ron's parents will always be happy for us, along with all of his family and a few people in my family (and all of our friends). However, I always feel like I won't be good enough for some people, that I will never receive the same love and attention from some people that they give to others.
Maybe the reason behind the jealousy is sympathetic enough, but it does not excuse my behavior. I am always looking for a way to steer the conversation towards me, a way to have eyes on me, a way to make it all about me. A way to be selfish.
I bet I'm not the only one with this problem either.
I need to stop envying others and be grateful for what, and who, I have in my life.
So, I will continue this post later with ways to combat jealousy. Do you have any tips?
It's not like my parents didn't love me enough as a kid. My parents have been nothing but loving and supportive, even now that I'm an adult.
I remember when my brother was in the hospital for cancer 10 years ago. As a 4th grader, I was so incredibly envious of all the attention he was getting. I mean my parents tried to give my other brother and I attention, but very understandably were worried about their son. Everyone else looked after Andy too, which was so kind of them. To this day, however, I feel so ashamed about my selfishness in my brother's time of need.
I won't pin the blame on that though. I won't blame it on a lack of attention from other family members or on anyone else. It's my fault.
Everytime I went to a graduation, or wedding, or any event as a kid, I thought "One day, I'll be in his/her shoes and people will be celebrating with ME."I hoped when I graduated high school that tons of people would be focused on me and happy for me. I hoped that when I got married, other people who had previously ignored me would take me seriously and want to interact with me. It worked for a short time. I hope when I have a baby that people will be enamored with my child and me. I hope that when I buy a house, people will want to come visit me.
I know my parents and Ron's parents will always be happy for us, along with all of his family and a few people in my family (and all of our friends). However, I always feel like I won't be good enough for some people, that I will never receive the same love and attention from some people that they give to others.
Maybe the reason behind the jealousy is sympathetic enough, but it does not excuse my behavior. I am always looking for a way to steer the conversation towards me, a way to have eyes on me, a way to make it all about me. A way to be selfish.
I bet I'm not the only one with this problem either.
I need to stop envying others and be grateful for what, and who, I have in my life.
So, I will continue this post later with ways to combat jealousy. Do you have any tips?
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